Oh, The Holidays

Ya can't beat 'em. There's nothing like spending your evening being a piece of shit in front of the TV watching Bewitched (the movie). I cherish these times. I also like baked ham, but I'll save that for a different blog. Regardless, I'm here to talk about dysfunctia. It always brings my back to warm times with my family around Christmas. Which........is why I like the holidays.

P.S. Will one of you turn the logs in front of the fire?

Merry Christmas, All Y'all

Once again, we had a great Christmas all around. Chris and I went to Cleveland on Saturday morning and spent time there until Monday morning. We then drove back to Cincy and did festivities with my family, finally collapsing at home tonight. The best thing is that we got all sorts of fun, unexpected (but GOOD) gifts this year. I'll go into more detail later, but we had a personal assistant telling us where we needed to go all weekend. I'm jealous. (More to come later). And for me, I got pretty much a total computer overhaul - I could sit here for hours. Here are pictures of our holiday if you're at all interested. I hope you all had a good one too. Or a happy Hanukkah. Or a happy Kwanza. Or a happy, um, Buddah holiday. Whatever it is, I hope it was fun.

P.S. My brand new nephew, Evan, is not drinking the beer you see in this picture. He's only sampling.

Crocodile Hunter Meets His Match

Ok, I know that I've been a YouTube freak lately, so I promise that I will lay off of it for a while in the future. However......you MUST watch this one. Words can't say enough.

The History of Drugs

I'm watching this show on the History Channel. I've decided that if I ever become a drug addict, I want to be addicted to Opium. It allows you to get high while you're laying on your side. It's the ultimate WOLdom. I think it might even be better than Perigoric.

I Don't Understand This Fucking Question

Tomorrow is Thursday

At least for me, it is. Starting on the REAL Thursday, I'll be off of work until January 2nd. Yes, I rock. So, for about 2 weeks, I'll be a total slug WOL. Call me, we'll do cowoffee. I take that back, we'll do happy hour.

This Looks Like Fun

Who wants to join me?

Classic Website

I could spend hours here.

Wedding Wars

So Chris and I are here watching Wedding Wars. In one word: awful. I can't believe that mags like the Advocate were advocating this movie. Yeah, it's a story about anti and pro gay marriage, but it is fucking ridiculous. So cheesy, campy, retarded and beyond exaggeration. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the gays. But, this movie is one that even I can't watch. That says something. I guess I'll get drunk and play online poker now.

Interesting Mini Series

Chris discovered a mini series on (brace yourselves) the Sci-Fi Channel. It's called The Lost Room. It's actually pretty good. Star characters include Nate (from Six Feet Under), Juliana Margulies, the one old evil neighbor lady from Desperate Housewives and a few other randoms that have been in other shows before. It's a pretty interesting storyline though - a lot of supernatural shit. Maybe the reason why I'm sort of into it is because I had 2 glasses of wine and 2 beers. Oh well, what else is there to do on a Tuesday night? Oh, Nate and Carol Hathaway just slept together. Mmmm, Nate. Anyway, it's worth checking out. At least I think so at the moment; ask me again tomorrow.

A Requested Survey

OK, my friend Eric asked if I would post a blog to take a poll. He wants to know good songs that are good to have on during sex. I personally think "Lick My Neck, My Back" by Khia is appropriate. That's just me. What do you all think?

OH, LOOK, There's a Bull Dyke.

Happiness is...

Not paying $800 for new brakes and rotors. Happiness is... going to pick up your car and finding out that you don't need to spend money that you have already written off. Happiness is... spending that saved money on me (or Chris) during the holiday season. Happiness is... ending this blog post immediately because it sucks and I've had way too much to drink.........................................................*snooze*....................................

Chris Says This is Good Luck

Not in my opinion. It means oil change, filter change, air filter change, new brakes, new rotors, tire rotation, tire alignment, an enema, and a detail. I agree with most of that, but, criminy.... nothing like a car manufacturer to spring it all at once. It's probably a good thing that I didn't take a picture of my speedometer while I was taking this picture. Notice, I was full of gas... in more ways than one. There are several of you out there that say I need a new car. In George Bush Sr's words... "Ain't gonn d'it."

You Don't See This Everyday

I didn't know they made hydraulics for planes like they do for hoopties.

Heaven

Chris made Christmas cookies this past weekend. I just had an iced sugar cookie and it's like having an orgasm in your mouth. This is going to be dangerous - I'm going to be 1100 pounds by the end of the week. I'm about 3 cookies away from a scooter as it is. On the flip side, Chris put the oven on self clean. The house reeks. I'm going to end up going to work smelling like a dead skunk tomorrow.

Shopping...... DONE

Yes, I went shopping on Friday and on Saturday and knocked all my shopping out of the way. All I have left is a secret santa that I can pick up very easily online. I even have all the presents wrapped (except for Chris's, since it hasn't arrived yet). Change of subject real fast: We're watching the movie Amadeus and it's friggin' hilarious - I haven't seen it since it first came out. OK, focus... so, anyway, I'm all done shopping. Ha ha on all you suckers that haven't even started yet. Oh yeah, keep in mind that I like expensive things. So, go on, get to it.

Ready for the Dysfunctional Holidays

Chris and I busted our asses in the yard and on the house today since it was such a nice day. For those of you who care, we cleaned gutters, raked all the beds, laid 13 bags of mulch, cut the grass, put up wreaths on the windows, ERECTED the Christmas tree, strung lights, cleaned the first floor, and put spotlights on the house. I think that covers it...although I may have missed something. So, enjoy the day and night pictures of our duds. Next, I'll post day and night pictures of our asses, so that you can see how we busted them. Needless to say, we're ready for the alcoholidays now. Celebrate with me and crack a beer. Mmmm, that's good, isn't it.

BUSTED

I caught the little bitch in action. Of course we knew she was up on the bed during the day because of all the dog hair littered on the comforter (and the occasional toy left up there). But, this says it all. Hannah rules 1584 Stanford.

P.S. She's laying on my side of the bed. Go figure.

It's Almost That Time Again

We Have a 3 Car Garage Now

Who'd a thunk? We were wondering what to do with the little car over the winter - put it storage, buying a car cover and store it outside, store it at Jim & Rob's. But, we came up with a creative solution that works brilliantly! Now I just have to learn to not pull into the garage at Mach 6. In fact, I bought two of those old person rubber stoppers to put on the floor so that I don't T-bone the Triumph. Now if I can figure out how to fit in the boat I bought Chris for Christmas....

I'm Sad

I have to have a root canal.

Fun In The Mountains

Well, this year's Gatlinburg trip is officially over. The house that we stayed in was amazing and the best by far. Even though there were fewer people this trip, we still had a great time. Here are more pictures of the chaos. The End.

It's That Time Again

Yes, it's time for the yearly gay Gatlinburg trip. This year, we got a phat brand new chalet. Literally, it was finished about a month ago. Too bad some people ditched out on this trip - this will be the best place of all that we've stayed at. So, we'll be thinking of everyone while we're playing pool, drinking, playing Texas Hold 'Em, drinking, sitting in the hot tub, drinking, drinking, enjoying the mountains, and drinking. The picture is a glance into the past, but, don't fret....I'll post pictures of this year shortly after this weekend. Here's where we're staying this year...pretty fucking tits. Oh, and by the way, don't try robbing our house while we're gone, because Hannah will bite your dick/tits off AND we have a house sitter. So, ha. You can just go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself. (A reference to an earlier blog).

The Best Part of Today

Is that the political commercials are OVER!!! I about threw rock through the TV this week listening to all the negative campaining that interrupted my programs (during the commercials). Yes, I said programs like an old lady would...on purpose. Now I can go back to being a vegetable in between my shows and won't turn into an annoyed crazy person. It's a good thing too because I think I'm about to get my period.

I Can't Wait to See This!!!

Who wants to shower at my place?

I have a clean, working, non-leaking bathtub again. I ripped out all the old caulk, cleaned out the mildew, re-caulked, snaked the tub, Liquid-Plumred and cleaned like a mother-fucker. It's like a brand new, old bathroom. So, who wants to shower? Only cute people are invited. Oh, and I hope you don't mind webcams.

Happy Halloween, Yo

Year #2 on Stanford Drive brought fewer kids for trick-or-treating than last year. But, we still passed out candy to all the delinquints that stopped by. The worst was the 40-something year old black man that screamed, "Trick or treat, smell my feet, I want something good to eat." Dummy, doesn't he know it's, "Trick or treat, smell my feet, GIVE ME something good to eat." Anyway, we made good on the promise to have beer and candy. Even Hannah participated in the festivities (even though she wanted no part of it). Peters, you'll be happy to see that the $12 you forced me to spend on that ridiculous bejeweled dog scarf got put to use. What was I thinking???

Candy and beer, what a combination

That's what we have to look forward to tomorrow. I mean, beer is the candy for adults, c'mon. Plus, it's the only way I can deal with all the little shits that will be coming to our house begging for candy. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about a Reece's Peanut Butter Cup or two. But, I'll be concentrating on the adult candy. If you feel like it, come on over. We'll have plenty of adult candy tomorrow. However, you may be disappointed to find that I didn't get a pumpkin. Again, priorities, people.

Upgrades

Chris and I have been looking into lots of fun things to update our house. We've had a kitchen designer come out, give us suggestions, and eventually give us a quote. Next, we've had a dude come out to look at converting our non-working fireplace into a working fireplace. Also, we've had a contractor come out and give a quote on putting in a patio in the back yard. Lastly, Chris is thinking about putting in bathroom ventilation fans this weekend so that our shits don't drive peopel out of the house. Oh yea, there's glass block window thrown in there somewhere also. Sooooo, once we get a loan and go nuts, we'll have a phat pad. I forgot to mention that we'll be poor in about 2 months. That's OK...we can make lots of ramen noodles in our new kitchen to keep us fat.

These Guys Are So Lucky

I want to be them.

I Can't Wait For the Weekend To Begin....

Just like the song says. Chris and I will be heading up to Cleveland to celebrate his neices' birthdays. So, all of you in the 'Nati will have to wait until Sunday for us to grace you with our presence. If anyone feels like taking my car in to get fixed while I'm gone, feel free. I'll leave you the keys. The only bad part about going to Cleveland is that I will have to wait until about 10:00 tonight to start boozing. I feel like starting now. Bust.

God Dammit, Son-of-a-bitch, Fuck

I was on my way back from Petsmart, getting Hannah food, when all of a sudden my CD player quit responding. I like to switch to CDs when BPM is playing a shitty song. So, when I went to fast forward to the next song, it wouldn't do anything. It wouldn't even let me switch over to XM. So, I ejected the CD and then it switched to satellite. The radio still wasn't responding after fiddling with it for a few minutes. Then, I tried another time and it was back to normal. I'm very weary because this has happened before with one of my radio/CD players. In fact, I'm on my third one right now (apparently this radio has been a problem in IS300s). So, fine, everything's back to normal... Then I notice that my fog lights are on (I like to have them on in heavy rain), so I switched them off. As soon as I switched them off, my FUCKING check engine light came on. What the hell???? I stopped for gas, hoping that when I started the car back up, the light would go off. No dice. I guess it's just time to get a new car. Any suggestions?

I'm Taking Over

By that headline, I mean the favorite child in the Loos family, at least for the weekend. I know I'll never be the favorite for an extended period since I don't produce grandchildren. BUT, I plan on stealing my sister's thunder for three days minimum. The reason I say that is because I've hijacked my parents' old 8 millimeter movies and had them converted onto DVD. So, I think my parents will enjoy seeing my mother in her habit at Mt. St. Joseph all the way through Bean (my younger sister) at the Superbowl in 1981. This would be my mom's birthday gift to her from me. I expect tears, dammit. If not, I at least expect some beers while we're watching this shit. I will say, it's pretty damn funny to see how dorky my parents were in the 70s. Ahhhh, the good days....

Chris Will Pay

Here's what he does when I'm sleeping late on the weekends.

I Apologize

But, I have to bitch once again about Lost. This "others" aspect of the show this season totally sucks. I'm at the point where I'm about to quit watching the show. There are too many loose ends that haven't been wrapped up and they keep introducing more story lines. Sorry, I'm not biting anymore. I'll give it one more episode; if they don't get back to some of the core stories, I'm done. And they were off to such a good start...

I know, I know, I've fallen off the face...

I've been so fucking busy with work lately that I haven't had a chance to sit down and spew my thoughts out onto the web. Work has been kicking my ass. It's business review time (fiscal year end when I have to report the state/health of the business). It blows. This past week, there were two nights I was up until 1 a.m. and one night I was up until 2 a.m. doing work. Well, tonight's a night off for me. I promise I'll be putting more posts up that are more interesting than me explaining why I've been lame lately. So, what's new...um...nothing. Wait, I take that back. Chris took the lead and called about three things: we now have an official appointment scheduled to have someone give us a consultation/quote to redo our kitchen (YEA!), he called to have our chimney inspected to see what it would take to make our fireplace(s) working (YEA!) and also called to get a quote to put a patio in the back yard (woo-hoo). Needless to say, we're setting ourselves up for poor-dom. That's OK, because our house will rock and we'll have a lot of parties. More to come about the results later. Until then, wait patiently for my next post when I'm sure I'll dazzle you all with some brilliant writings. Smell ya...

Lost...Season Premiere

What a fucking disappointment. If tonight's show was an indication of where this show is going, I truly believe Lost has jumped to shark. Don't get me wrong, I really hope it hasn't, but tonight's opener SUCKED. There were already too many loose ends hanging out there without explanation, so I don't get why they didn't bring some closure to at least a couple of them. I mean, c'mon, when was the last time we saw Hurley or even Anna Lucia? At this point, I think Lost may just have lost me. Not only that, but there are several other shows in HD that are begging me to watch them.

Check Out These Moves

Tim & Benjamin's Wedding

We had a good time at Tim and Benjamin's wedding yesterday. Congratulations, again, guys. Here are some more pictures of the fun. Also, check out Rob's version of the Peanuts dance.

HD FINALLY

I'm pumped. Chris and I will be getting HD over DirecTv within a week! A year ago, a DirecTv tuner that broadcasts HD and Tivo was about a grand. Well, the price has finally come down to $300. We're totally going to take the plung. It will be so nice watching HD on our HDTV for once. I guess we've gotten so used to the graininess of the big screen picture that we don't even notice it anymore. Not for long, suckers. We'll be watching Desperate Housewives and other faggy shows with a crispiness the Keebler elves will be jealous of. Want to come over and see Martha's blemishes & wrinkles? Stop by. We'll be catty and make fun together.

Stupid Fucking Youtube

I've been trying now for over a month to set up my blog account on Youtube. No matter what browser I try using (Firefox, Internet Explorer, Safari), none of them are successful in setting up my blog onto Youtube. It's not the browsers' fault, it's piece-of-shit Youtube. I ended up writing the blog editor an email about it, asking if she could help me or direct me to someone in their tech department for help. Response: no response. It's a shame because posting videos on my blog that directs traffic to their site is a win for them. I guess they don't want it bad enough. Dumb cunts.

Reminicsing

How fucking cute was my little girl? This picture speaks for itself. She's an old lady now, and I love her even more. But, how could you possibly say anything negative to this??????

An Interactive Blog...Sort of

OK, so our friend Rob mentioned that the house he lives in has more doors than it does windows. Interesting. I thought I'd take an inventory of our house. Turns out, ours is the same. WHO KNEW? Survey says - we have 27 windows (not counting 1/2 basement windows). Meanwhile, we have 36 doors in our house. This counts interior doors (closets included) as well as doors that lead to the outside of the house also. (Some rules to this madness: if you have French doors, only count that as one. Don't include garage doors). So, does this rule apply to your home? Leave in the comments area your ratio. You know you want to do it. You know you're going to brag about how many doors you have. Kind of like how "BIG" you are.

"TEAM AMERICA"...Highly Recommended

You have to watch Team America World Police. This movie is FUCKING HILARIOUS! I'd heard about it before, but Chris rented it, so that's what we watched tonight. It was NOTHING that I thought it might be. It was a sheer delight. For those of you who've seen it, all I have to say is "MATT DAMON." I know this doesn't necessarily sound funny, but I highly encourage you to rent this flick. You'll shit yourself laughing. (Kind of like the shit scene in the movie)

Oktberfest Zinzinnati

Drinking, eating, people-watching. What's more fun than that? As always, we had a blast down at the largest Oktoberfest outside of Munich. I ran into so many people that I hadn't seen in years last night. And also people I see ALL the time. Ugh. Just kidding. It was very, very fun. I'm not sure if we'll be heading down there again today or not, but there is a distinct possibility we will. If we do, come find us. We'll try and be nice to you.

Oh yea, here are more pictures.

The Big Weekend...

is cumming. Oktoberfest Zinzinnati, that is. That, of course, means lots of deliciously decadent food and LOTS of beer. I mean lots. We'll be there Saturday and Sunday, so keep an eye out for us. Many times, we're parked in front of the Westin Hotel, making fun of others or being critical of people lesser than us. It's what keeps us going. Anyway, I felt the need to put up an OLD, OLD picture to illustrate how long this tradition has been happening with myself and friends. I know that you're jealous...EXTREMELY jealous of me. And I don't blame you.

Rain is on the way

The reason I know that is because that's what the TV told me. Also, the satellite signal is starting to pixelate and freeze. Dammit, now what am I going to do? It better be a bitch of a storm to make it worth having no TV. I'm sure we won't get crap though. I shouldn't be surprised, it is a Monday after all.

House Cleaning = Slave Work

I fucking hate cleaning our house. Whoever told me way back in the day that hardwood floors are easy to take care of was a liar. FYI for those of you who are considering buying or building a house with hardwood floors and forced air heating - you're in for a big surprise. Shit floats everywhere and dust is your new best friend. Add a dog, ie: labrador retriever, and you should expect fur tumbleweeds on a daily basis. I mentioned this to Chris a couple of times before, mostly joking, but I have had it. I'm this far from hiring Merry Maids. Why the hell did we buy such a big house in the first place anyway?????? Oh yeah, because I wanted one.

P.S. Mark my words, I won't be cleaning in the very near future. We WILL pay to have a clean house.

Alternative Post

I was going to post about something different than what I'm about to....something much more juicy. But, in the meantime, I just tried taking my contacts out. All off a sudden, one of them went up inside my eye. Any other contact-wearer has for sure experienced this. It's a FUCKING PAIN IN THE ASS. When it happens, it goes up (not down) under your eyelid. Trying to get it out is like trying to coax a fish to jump into your hand. It took me a good 10 minutes to get the mother out. I'm sure my eye will be all fresh and bright in the morning, not all blood-shoot and swollen. Stupid contacts. I'm getting lasic first thing in the morning. Anyway, back to my original thought, that was................?

I Just Made Homemade Oatmeal Cookies

I am so fucking Betty Crocker. Or Aunt Jemima. Or would it be Martha? I don't know, you decide.

Don't Ever Travel by Train

That's the lesson I've learned tonight. I watched some show on A&E or TLC or BET that told me I need to be very careful when traveling on, near or around trains. Bad things happen to people who ride or drive past trains. Ie: Derailments, explosions, and crashed cars. I'm so very happy that I don't live in an area where I have to deal with any of thee above. (Yes, I know that is a misspelling, but I wanted to get my phonetic point across). Point in case was the situation that occured last year near Mt. Lookout (a Cincinnati suburb) with the styrene leak. Granted, there were no explosions, derailments or car crashes. But, it did pollute the environment and created a class action suit. Anyway, I have been taught tonight by the TV that trains are bad. So, never take a train. Never get near a train. Never cross railroad tracks <-- That being the most important learning. Only trust airplanes. They're the safest travel ever. At least that's what the TV tells me.

Labor Day Weekend

What are y'all up to this weekend? Not so sure here. Possibly going to Cleveland, possibly not. If we happen to not go, is there anything fun going on? I was thinking of trying to catch the fireworks somewhere, but don't have a plan at this point. I thought there was one, but I realized we're losers and we have no plans. SO, if you would LOVE for us to grace us with our presence, feel free to call. Otherwise, I made a mean/bad choice to keep us in town. Put another way, I am on the rag.

Ow

I have an ear-ache. I knew something was up yesterday when my hearing seemed a little belabored. Thank God, Chris has some ear-douche left from her last ear infection. Honestly, I can't ever remember having an ear-ache growing up. The thing that I don't get is that I use Q-Tips every day after I get out of the shower. So, why the ear-ache now? Maybe Chris cums in my ear at night when I'm asleep. Hmm, no. I wear earplugs. Maybe that's it - do ears need to breathe at night? Oh, who the fuck cares - my ear hurts. These drops better take care of things or else I'm going to jab a pencil into it. Double negatives make a positive, right?

Sell This House

I'm sitting here watching a marathon of Sell This House, and lo & behold, Chastity Bono is featured in this episode. She can't sell her house. She's a bull-dyke and, by default, she should know how to rebuilt an entire house. Oh well, I guess if you're a quasi-celebrity, then you're exempt from certain things. Interestingly enough, they said that Cher is a big Sell This House fan and asked Roger Hazard for help in selling Chastity's house. Crazy. And now I'm at a loss on how to end this post on a humorous/sarcastic way. SHIT.

This is what we heard EVERY day....

Click here for the ultimate ear fantasy.

If you haven't had enough...

Here are more pictures from P-Town, courtesy of Jim and Rob. Thanks, Ladies.

P.S. "Lemonade for sale. Fifty cents."
P.P.S. "Oh SHITT!"

Back To Hell

Today was the first day back to work after our vacation and it sucked. I literally spent most of the day just getting through email. (That didn't include any follow-ups or projects resulting from some of them). Now, I'll be in market research tomorrow through Thursday. Yea, my life blows. Lesson learned: never go on vacation unless you are unemployed.

BTW...

One of my new favorite songs is Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado (Raphi Rosario Mix). F'ing Sick-Kick-Ass.

Orgasmic Fun

Now that I have your attention, I'll tell you all about Carnival 2006 in Provincetown. The title says it all. It was every bit as enjoyable as having an orgasm without the mess. Although someone there WAS A MAJOR MESS. (Whore-wise, that is). Regardless, we had another great group this year, as well as a few random additions...thanks to Rob P, Peters, Rob H, and yours truly. Highlights of the trip include (all of which include explanation):

• Wheelie's Varla treat
• "Bow-wow"
• "Lemonade for sale - Fifty Cents"
• 7 for 7 (SLUT)
  
• Cell phone mishap
• "OH SHIITT!!!!!!"
• 3 break-downs (gay men crying)
• Theme Song: Promiscuous by Nelly Fratado
• "Those guys are notorious" - quote from a random's friend about all of us
  

Well, that's aboot it for now. I'll fill you all in on the rest later. In the meantime, I have to concentrate on practicing bulimia. In a week's time, I turned into a pot-belly pig. Oink, oink.

Oh yeah, here are the pictures, Stephanies.

So Long, Farewell, Aufweiderschen, Goodbye...

Well, Party People, tonight is the last night for me to write until we get back. I would post another list for you to partake in, but since there weren't any comments from the last post, I take it none of you participated in any of those suggestions. So, screw you. Um, I mean, refer to those. I know you'll die without hearing from me for so long, but "hold on to the memories...." I'll be back with LOTS of stories to share, I'm sure. If you're lucky, I'll post a picture or two. Alright, bitches, SSSSSMELL YA LATER..........

A Day From Hell

Today fucking SUCKED. Work was out of control. In short, meetings almost all morning, research in the afternoon, during research - worked on 2 projects that had to get done by the end of the day, and figured out how to cut $8 million from the budget. Oh, and I didn't leave the research facility until 7:30 tonight. I am going on vacation with a vengence. I went right from work to BW-3. OOoooo, a hot cop on the news! Sorry, I'm easily sidetracked. Anyway, I swear I will soon start writing about more interesting things, ie: masturbation, poop, and K-holes. For now, Loos - out. Smell ya later.

Me Achin' Back

I slaved tonight (more than I had originally planned). Since we are leaving on Friday, I wanted to make sure this dump was clean for the girl who's going to be watching Hannah while we're gone. I started to dust, which led to Swiffing (a lot of Swiffing), along with doing laundry. Now my back hurts. Boo hoo squish squish. I don't care...all I know is that I'm on vacation in 3 days. Are you jealous? Well, you should be. NYEEEEEEEEEEEEHHH.

I'm REALLY Starting to Get Antsy

I leave this coming Friday for Provincetown. It seemed so far off, but the time is nearing. This week is going to be the longest week at work. The beach is my absolute favorite kind of vacation, let alone in an almost entire gay area. Ahh, tea dance everyday at 4:00, Spiritus Pizza gather time after the clubs close, and MEN everywhere. I can't wait. The pictures I put up are of the group last year. Get ready for more of this year's debauchery. It will be DIIIRRRRTTYY.

Working is REALLY Hard

I was out of town Tuesday afternoon and all day Wednesday at an offsite meeting with a vendor. Today - pure chaos at work. So, I had to work at home tonight (until about 10:15). Tomorrow - meetings ALL day with no breaks. That's why I haven't been diligent about filling you in on my mundane life. "Sorry folks, park's closed." Well, I'm back in business. Well, for now. Chris and I are going down to Elmer Davis Lake this weekend with his family and there's no internet service down there. (I KNOW... It's hard to believe). So, I'll be sure and update you on Matt's loser life on Sunday when we return. In the meantime, I'll give you more activities to keep you occupied.

1.) Toilet paper your neighbor or friend's house
2.) Start a paper mache hobby
3.) Count how many people you have had sex/heavy foreplay with (I know this will be harder for some of you than others. BTW, no pun intended)
4.) Clean out your refrigerator
5.) Get your parents (if applicable) wasted and get as many deep secrets out as possible
6.) Wreit evyrehtnig yuo do ala fkucde up (it's amazing how you will still be able to understand it)
7.) Cash in all your spare change and send the money to me
8.) Visit your local 4H club
9.) Start a rumor about one of your friends that lives out of town winning the lottery and see how far it goes/how long it lasts. (My friends and I from college did this and it worked!)
10.) Enjoy a hot carl

Well, that should keep you busy. I'll be back with more on Sunday, Scroatlicks.

I Don't Know Why I'm Watching This Movie

Other than out of sheer boredom (and slight entertainment). The Gods Must Be Crazy is on the Fox Movie Channel. The only thing that is keeping my attention is the terribly ridiculous fast animation. It's like you are watching something on fast forward. In a way, I guess it's like a train wreck that you just can't NOT watch. If it wasn't 4,000 degrees outside, I'd be doing something productive. God, I can't wait for the new TV season to begin.

Jillian's

Out of the blue, Jillian's closed today. Random. Apparently, the employees went into work today and they were told that Jillian's is permanently closed without any explanation. Too bad, because I always had a good time there. And I LOVED the Hibatchi Grill. I'm sure it's all due to "hard economic times" or something along those lines. Meanwhile, we'll come to find out in about 2 months that it was the owner snorting the profits up his/her nose.

No Way, Shut the Hell Up, I Can't Believe It

ALLEGEDY, Lance Bass is gay. I don't believe it for one minute. He is so straight - I've seen all the girls he's been with throughout the years. What is the New York Post trying to do? Sabotage his career? Here's an article about what they wrote. Anyone who was EVER in N'Sync could not possibly like boys. Let me put it this way, if a gay person ever walked into the Atlantic House in Provincetown, they would be beat up or kicked out. That's just how it is.

What the Phuck?

I had to fill my car up today, as I was almost on E. I stopped at a Shell station close to the research facility and it cost me $49.00 to fill my little car. Granted, it takes premium gas, but, Christ! I'm selling it and buying a Vespa. Better yet, I'm becoming a stay-at-homo dad. I know Chris won't have a problem with that.

This is the Beginning of a LONG Week

I will be in market research all week until Friday. That means getting no (or little) work done while I'm there. It just sucks because I'll be trying to play catch-up the following week. Then, I fly out on Tuesday afternoon and will be gone all day Wednesday. My head is going to explode (and not in the good way). Who wants to be Matt Loos for a week? I'll trade ya.

Yes, I Rock

Well, at least I will in the future. I just installed new front speakers on the Triumph and it sounds SOOO much better. I also ordered new box speakers for the back, but those won't ship for a few days. So, if you see a broken down Triumph on the side of the road, don't fret. I'll have music to help pass the time.

I Don't Know What Happened

I thought I was using my usual shampoo, but something weird happened. See?


And then when I got out of the shower, something didn't seem the same. I must have bought shampoo that was out or date or something...


(Yes you fucking whores, it didn't cover the gray on the sides.)

Van-dan-go???

I am so excited for the Strangers With Candy Movie that is coming out this month. In fact, it will start playing at the Esquire Theater this Friday! Jerri Blank, a boozer, a user, and a loser will tell her story about her time before going back to high school. So, read between the lines, pussies, and let me know if you want to go see it.

Sincerely,
Your Favorite Scroatlick

Fun in the Sun

Thanks out to Chris and Brian for inviting us to go out on their new kick-ass boat today. The best part was knowing that it was about 4,000 degrees on land, but on the water, it felt fantastic. Good friends, good times, good drinks. Who could ask for anything more? Toyota. Oh, sorry, blast from the past there. Here are some pictures from the day. Thanks again, guys, we had a blast!!

Surprises are Fun

Chris and I went to the Comet tonight for dinner and lo & behold, who shows up? ............................ Did I keep you wondering long enough? Jim, Rob and Rob's brother, David. Random, yet, VERY fun. Albeit, they made me have more iced tea than I was planning. Bygones. (Very FAST bygones at that.) Three words: I had a blast. OK, that's four words....whatever. Needless to say, I can mark one more Snuffalupugus(sp?) off my list. David and Rob are so alike, yet so different. Was that redundant enough? I like to keep my audience guessing. The windup is that it was great to finally meet Rob's brother and we had a great time tonight when we were just planning on doing a whole bunch of nothing. It's always fun to meet family members (that aren't our own).

Boo Hoo, You Pussies

For God sakes, it's a roller coaster, people! You should expect to get thrown around, tossed around and shaken. ESPECIALLY on a wooden coaster. Get over it. The Son of Beast has been meticulously scrutinized the past few days because some people complained about being hurt on the ride. Well, guess what, dumbasses, it's GONNA happen at some point. That's the risk you take when going on a man-built adreneline-filled ride. "Take your chances" should be the sign in front of every ride built. Go figure, the Cincinnati Enquirer has to report it like it's a car bomb going off. Well, I'm sorry to those people who got a boo-boo...but they should have known that their safety is NOT guaranteed on an amusement park ride. As for the Enquirer, I understand if you're hard up for a story now and again, but otherwise, act like a real newpaper and chase after the important things. Maybe you should watch CNN.COM for some hints.

Tornadoes Hit the Area

There were some very severe storms that went through just northeast of Cincinnati. Allegedly, there were between 2-3 tornadoes that hit certain areas. I was getting ready to chase, but I was too bitter that all we got was just rain. Lucky Goshen, Milford, and Blanchester.

Why Do Mondays Blow So Much?

I can go into work on a Monday morning and not have any meetings on my calendar. It never fails that somehow, meetings seem to appear out of thin air. It's like people need to punish other people since they didn't work for the prior two days. I've resigned to the fact that Mondays will never be productive work days. They will be filled with retarded meetings. So, tomorrow, I blocked off the entire day as busy time on my Lotus Notes calendar so that I can actually get some work done. Am I brilliant or what?

Fuck. I Just Did Something Stupid

I needed to manscape very badly, so I trimmed my chest. I used a #1 guard instead of the usual #2 guard. Now I look like a little boy. Sick.

So Sorry, My Bad, Etc, Etc.

I know I've been out of the blogging loop lately, but between work and the holiday, I just haven't had much time in front of the computer. 1.) Work has been kicking my ass lately (and I said kicking, not licking 2.) Chris and I have been all over the place lately - per my earlier posts - so I'm finally back in the loop 3.) We watched Syriana tonight (a movie I didn't get at all, although the brainiac Chris didn't either, so I don't feel so bad) 4.) I just felt like I needed a number 4 just to be even. I am all about harmony, after all.
So, my whole point to this post is that I plan on being TONS better about keeping a daily blog again. I know what you whores are thinking - why the fuck didn't he post today? What a fucking slacker! Well, I agree. I hate those people. Yet, at the same time I love me. Do you see the conflicts I go through?

A Holla Out to my Peeps

Happy Birthday to Jennifer 'O Jenny today! And a holla out to my boooiieeeeee Noah, who celebrates his birthday on Independence Day! Hope you all have a good, dirty time.

It Has Been a Whirlwind

If you would have asked me what we were doing for the July 4th holiday about 2 weeks ago, I would have told you "not much." However, little by little, we decided to do something here, something there, until every day was taken with something (or someone) to do. Friday, we actually did nothing, which was SO NICE. We rented Transamerica. A little slow at times, but still pretty good. Saturday, we had our friend Rob's graduation party to go to, which turned out to be oodles of fun. Then, yesterday, we met up with Chris's family at a relative's farm in Mt. Vernon, Ohio. I know, I'm still not sure where it was that we went. But, we wanted to show his family the Triumph and we drove in 90 degree weather with the top down for 2.5-3 hours. (Each way). After all that, we needed air conditioning and a few beers, so we met up with Rob and Frickers. Today - I work. Tonight, we're going to our friend's going away party. Tomorrow, our neighbors are having a 4th of July party starting at 11:00 a.m. Then we'll walk to the end of our street to watch the crazy Northside parade. To top off the long weekend, I plan on passing out. So much for a relaxing weekend. What did you bitches do this holiday weekend?

The Weekend Was a Blast

Here's a quick couple of pictures - I don't have the energy to go into detail tonight. I'll fill you in more later. Time for bed. But, congrats to Melanie and Jeff.

Nashville. More Than I Expected...

I was only down there for 2.5 days, but I had a good time. I stayed at the GAYlord Opryland Hotel per my earlier post and all I have to say is...wow. It's friggin' big. And nice. While there, we also hit Boundary's (a pretty cool restaurant) and also Wanna B's (a karaoke bar). I'm not one for karaoke. However... I had a good time. Per my last post, I made an ass out of myself, but I wasn't alone. The craziest part is that I spent time with my co-workers and saw MANY in rare form. It was a true bonding experience. Here's just an example of the night: I was dragged up on stage to do karaoke to "I'm too sexy." Let me tell you, it was NOT a sexy performance. Regardless, it was a blast. Thank you, Nashville, for showing a first-timer a good time. And, thank you, work, for paying for a sweet place to stay. Next on deck: A weekend in Cleveland. To be more specific - a wedding, a Reds/Indians game and a birthday. Then, next week, 3 days in research in 3 different cities. Yes, people, I'm fucking important these days. Who knew?

Oh My God

I danced last night. In front of work people. With work people. I'm so ashamed (and will never live this down).

On The Road Again

I'll be heading to Nashville, TN tomorrow for work. Another sales meeting. Another two days of being away from home. Work's a bitch, ain't it? I'll be staying at some infamous hotel while there - the Opryland Hotel. Apparently it's like some kind of small city in itself. If that's the case, I'm thinking it could be a lot of fun. Then, I come back on Thursday to do laundry so that we can then drive to Cleveland on Friday. My friend Melanie is getting married on Saturday - I hope the weather stays nice for her! Then on Sunday, Chris and I are going to the Reds/Indians game with his parents and we're going to see the Indians get SPANKED. Afterwards, we will be celebrating his sister (LW)'s birthday. After all that, we'll have to wake up early on Monday and drive back to the 'nati so that I can work a half day from home. UGH. I'm going to be wrecked by next Monday. But, hey, it'll be fun while it's happening.

Mr. Susan's Birthday

Everyone has to wish DougBillSusan a happy birthday. Hu is only 39 (times 2) this year. I must say, she keeps the K of C Hall in Forest Park oh so very prrrreeeetttty.

You Want to See a Fucked-up Movie?

If so, just rent the movie Hostel. It is good - but also disturbing - yet at the same time, fucked up. It was one of those train-wrecks that you can't take your eyes off of. Go figure, Quentin Tarantino was affiliated with it, so you know it's going to be a mind-fuck. Regardless, the movie just might be a buyer. If you know me at all, it takes quite a bit to buy a movie. Anyway, if you're feeling in the mood to see a spooky/reality-shock/darkly-creative flick, I highly recommend Hostel. It will definitely help you (not) sleep at night.

So, We Went and Did It

No, not sex, you pervs. We don't do that. Gross. We bought my dream, I mean, OUR dream car today. Yes, I, I mean we, bought a car off Ebay and picked it up today. It's a 1970 Triumph TR6 and it's friggin' the bomb. It definitely has its little quirks, but what can you expect from a 36 year old car? It's older than I am!! Anyway, we love it and can't wait to show it off to all of you in person. Here are more pictures of it. The most amazing thing to me was climbing out of it and getting into my car - I felt like I was riding in an SUV when I got into the IS300 - that's how low to the ground you sit. I take that back...the most amazing thing was the entire experience. You just have to ride in it/drive it to understand. So, take a number, bitches, and we'll come and pick you up.

What To Get Dad?

My dad has everything. He's the type that goes out and buys whatever he wants before anyone else can get it for him. So, Father's Day is coming up and I've got no clue what the hell to get him. Typical. This happens every year. I think this year it's going to be a card and a pat on the back. Any suggestions????

Pride Was Fun

Another Pride Parade took place in the usual entertaining fashion. We ended up having about 16 people over beforehand and not quite as many afterwards. Luckily, the rain held off, as the weather dudes were saying it was likely to rain. Good thing it did hold off, because I forgot my damn umbrella. Anyway, the parade was fun even though it seemed to be a little shorter than last year. Here are more pics of the festivities. Now another week of work to look forward to. I can't wait.

Now That I'm Stuck on Music...

Do any of you ever listen to Daft Punk? I find it very interesting that they never show their faces. Literally. I've only been able to find one picture of the artists without being in disguise. It was from the early '90s I think. Since then, the only pictures of them you can find on the internet is with masks on or crazy robotic faces. This picture is the only one I came across where they're not hiding themselves. It's kind of ingenious/freaky. But, if anything, they've kept me intruiged. I just tried uploading the video Around The World to my internet server, but it wouldn't work. It's brilliant. Let me know if you'd like to see it and I'll send it to you. Anyway, just an interesting observation. I'm not very observant, so this is a rare occurance. Savor it, buttholes.

Whoa, can you say stoned?

Have you ever looked up the lyrics to Len's "Steal My Sunshine"? They HAD to have been on some serious drugs when they wrote this song. Don't get me wrong, it's a great song...beatwise, etc. But, check out these lyrics:

i was lying on the grass on sunday morning of last week
indulging in my self defeats
my mind was thugged, all laced and bugged, all twisted round and beat
uncomfortable three feet deep
now the fuzzy stare from not being there on a confusing morning week
impaired my tribal lunar-speak
and of course you can't become if you only say what you would have done
so i missed a million miles of fun

i know it's up for me
if you steal my sunshine
making sure i'm not in too deep
if you steal my sunshine
keeping versed and on my feet
if you steal my sunshine

i was frying on the bench slide in the park across the street
l-a-t-e-r that week
my sticky paws were into making straws out of big fat slurpy treats
an incredible eight foot heap
now the funny glare to pay a gleaming tear in a staring under heat
involved an under usual feat
and i'm not only among but i invite who i want to come
so i missed a million miles of fun

i know it's up for me
if you steal my sunshine
making sure i'm not in too deep
if you steal my sunshine
keeping versed and on my feet
if you steal my sunshine

i know it's done for me
if you steal my sunshine
not something hard to see
if you steal my sunshine
keeping dumb and built to beat
if you steal my sunshine

my sunshine
if you steal my sunshine


If that isn't acid talking, I don't know what is.

Help Me

Wish Rob a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Rob, happy birthday to you. And many more..... (although I don't know how that's possible). Haha, just kidding.

Ghetto Comics

You HAVE to check out The Juggernaut, BITCH! P.S. Turn down the speakers if you're at work or just wait until you get home.

Another Interactive Post

OK, go here and figure out when you're going to die. Me - I'll live until I'm 80 years old. Damn, I have lot longer to go. What to do... How much longer do you saps have before you croak?

Your Porn Name

I'm sure you've all heard this one before, but you can easily figure out your pornstar name by putting together your first pet's name and the street you grew up on. Mine pretty much sucks, but I've heard some really good ones. Mine is Thui (Too-E) Rutledge. What is yours, you slutty people?

Cincinnati Pride Festival 2006

This coming weekend is Pride in Cincy. On Sunday, there will be a parade starting in Clifton at Burnett Woods and it will travel all the way down into our wonderful neighborhood, Northside. Chris and I plan on going to join in the festivities, and we think you should too. I mean, who doesn't want to see thousands of gblt's taking over the streets of the 'nati? Be there or die.

Finally a Break

The heat here has totally sucked. It's been 90 everyday for the past 3-4 days with about 90% humidity. I am NOT ready for the middle of summer yet. Thank God it's supposed to be back in the 80s and even high 70s in the next few days. It's fucking ridiculous that we had to turn our air on in May. Well, it's off again. I'm looking forward to being able to open all the windows again for some fresh air. Our house was beginning to smell like a big fart. Oh, I meant like a field of roses. I know this post is boring as shit, but that's about how exciting my life is. What's so great about yours, anyway?

Is the Alcoholiday Over Already?

Ugh, I can't believe we all have to go back to work tomorrow. This weekend flew by and I can't be productive yet. Dammit. Plus, Mother Nature screwed us over again with 90 degree weather. OK, enough with my bitching and moaning. This weekend was sick. I had so much fun and saw so many people I haven't seen in forever...it was like going to my 10 year reunion from U.D. I mean 1 year from U.D. I forgot how young I really am/(look). Anyway, on with another work week and boringness. OOOOH, one new thing I learned this weekend: Ron White is hilarious! I watched a DVD of his and it was entertaining to say the least. If you like (high-class) redneck, you'll enjoy his show. With that in mind, this show is over. For tonight.

Can't Wait

A very good friend of ours is returning to the 'nati manana. Some of you know his story and others don't. But, all I can say is that I'm very excited to see him. This is going to be one of the better alcoholidays is a long while. That's why we felt the need to practice tonight for the upcoming festivities. Work will suck tomorrow, but, fuck it. Customers can wait, right? Oh yeah, I forgot. My motto in life is this: "Customers SUCK." By the way, party people, this weekend is Taste of Cincinnati...be there or be a big loser.

The Report on Columbus

Well, I did my work time in Columbus, but didn't do as much buying as I thought I would. First of all, Easton is cool as hell. There are tons of different stores - good ones at that - all within a village-like setting. In addition to shopping, there are restaurants, game places and all sorts of things to pass the time with. Alas, the only thing I ended up buying was a case for my iPod. In a way, it was kind of dumb, because I scratched the hell out of the display of it when we were in Mexico. Bygones. If you ever find yourself in Columbus with nothing to do, I highly recommend going to Easton. It's just SO much better than Weston.

Columbus-bound

So, for work I have to go Columbus tomorrow. I won't return to the 'nati until Tuesday night. The only consolation is that I am being forced to stay at Easton. I don't feel like looking up the link, so do it yourself, pussies. Regardless, we will have all sorts of new and expensive crap. I mean.....beautiful whatnots.

This goes out to Zeke

Noah just sent you a picture of me at my blog workstation. And now you're being mentioned in a post all about you. Do you feel special?

Good-bye W,G,J&K

I'm sure I was the only person who watched the final episode of Will & Grace tonight. Other than every gay person alive. It was, um, interesting. It's always awkward the way shows try wrapping up several seasons in one last episode. This one didn't stray from that phenomenon. However, there were some fucking hilarious one-liners. But, my favorite part of the episode by far, was seeing Beverly Leslie picked up by the wind on his balcony and flying away. Too much. I know I don't do it justice, but trust me. Anyway, the show had a good run. I still think the show should have been named "Jack & Karen". Bygones... Now I want to know what I'm supposed to do on Thursday nights at 8:00/9:00. Maybe I'll start blogging.

New Restaurant...at least for us

Chris and I went someplace new for dinner tonight. We went to Melt in Northside. It's a funky little place with some really yummy food. Nothing very extravagant, but delicious sandwiches with an eclectic crowd. Plus, it's in our neighborhood, so we are obliged to support the Northside businesses. Plus, all the signs in the shops there tell us to do so. Anyway, it was nice to keep our business local, while enjoying someplace new. I'll definitely be going back. Plus, they give a REALLY good handjob in the back room. Or was that Chris?

Too Tired To Blog

Because work is hard and it wears me out. Especially after drinking my face off this past weekend. Look for more fun and exciting readings in the very near future!

Pechota's Wedding

Yesterday was a blast. I got to see all sorts of good friends from college and Tony & Eileen's reception was great. Besides the constant flow of booze, food and appetizers, they arranged to have shuttles run between the hotel we stayed at and the reception place, so nobody had to drive. Here are more pictures of the debauchery. Before going to Cleveland, we went to my new nephew's baptism. He was so good during the whole affair, not crying at all. Then today, after waking our hung-over asses up, we had lunch with Chris's family to celebrate Mothers Day. Now we're back in the 'nati and trying to chill out after the activity-filled weekend. I think someone needs to rub my feet. OK, I'll give you all a chance so that no one misses out.

Shirley Q Liquor

Go fucking figure. I'll be out of town the ONE night that Shirley Q. Liquor comes to Cincy. And of ALL places, she/he is going to be at the Dock. What is this world coming to? Bygones. I'm just pissed that I'm going to be out of town when she's here. It's typical of my luck. That's why I don't gamble. So, all you party people in Cincinnati, I highly suggest checking her out tomorrow night. Pure hilarioty. If anyone goes, I expect a play-by-play re-enactment. And you all tell yo mama I axed how she durrin.

This Saturday

We'll be killing 4 birds with 1 stone. In one day, we'll be celebrating my nephew's baptism, my dad's birthday, Mother's Day, and a wedding. Not too shabby, huh? Needless to say, I had to buy a lot of cards the other day. Shit, that reminds me, I still have to get a wedding present. Gotta go...

The Annoyances of Summer are Already Here

I worked out in the yard for a bit yesterday after work. This morning, I was itchy on my arm and my legs. Son of a bitch if they weren't chigger bites. Yes, the joys of summer, including mosquitos, chiggers, bees, etc. are on their way. I think I'm going to have a large glass bubble installed over our house to remedy this problem. It could be known as the Cincy-dome or Bio-dome or possibly the Homo-dome. Regardless, I love summer, but not all the punishments that go with it. Too bad those little bastards don't die after biting like bees do after stinging. Note to self: Have God change that when I make it to heaven. HA. Like that will happen.

Time To Plan A Party

Chris went to Costco today and bought 6 new iron chairs. Wheeee! I'm amazed at how cheap they were too - $20 a piece (and they're heavy/nice). On Saturday, I stopped at the Furniture Fair Outlet and the cheapest outdoor furniture that was metal was $80 each. I love Costco. Can I stress that enough? I think I'm going to sell this house and move into Costco. Then I wouldn't have to go anywhere.

Who Wants To Clean Our House?

The first person who volunteers wins!

Yesterday - Landscape. Today - Manscape.

Yesterday, I did a bunch of yardwork that took up a good portion of the afternoon. Oh yeah, I also washed my car and the Cabrio. This morning, I did a total manscape. I cut my hair, trimmed the chest, and cut the nose hairs. I know you needed to know that information. Also today, I ran errands, sealed driveway cracks and put a tar seal over the driveway. Now I'm whooped. Meanwhile, Chris cleaned and painted the floor of the sleeping porch. Hannah, of course, had to go and fuck up our work. She stepped in the tar just after I put it down. Then, as I went up to shower and check out Chris's painting job, Hannah goes bolting onto the fresh paint. Chris yelled an expletive and I screamed at her. That meant that I had to carry the bitch down two flights of stairs to the basement so that she wouldn't trail paint throughout the house. Besides the minor setbacks, both the sleeping porch and the driveway are looking pretty good. I've attached pics for you all to see. Compliments are welcome. Criticisms aren't. Then again, we are perfect, so that's just impossible.

I'm Sure I'm a Hypocondriac

I think I have appendicitis. I have had a pain in my right side for the past 3-4 days or so. I've been looking up symptoms online and it sounds like I could be in trouble. Not only that, my little sister had it and hers actually burst. The doctors said that if she didn't come in until a couple hours later, she could have died. So, I'm thinking I should probably have my shit checked out. Keep your fingers crossed. Otherwise, this may be the last Matt's Ramblings post. And I know you couldn't go on if I can't.

Stupid Firefox

For the past 3 days, I have been trying to post to Blogger, but my Firefox has been fucking it all up. It kept stalling and wouldn't do anything. I don't know what the deal is, but I just figured out that I could post using IE. Oh well. I guess there isn't much very reliable in this world. Except me.........BIOOOOOTCHES.

I Can't Believe It's May

Time freakin' flies. It was just winter and now it's in the 70 degree range almost every day. I'm not complaining about that, but I'm just amazed at how quickly time flies. With summer coming, that means more and more weekend plans. I don't know that I'm ready for that yet. I just want to be a WOL on the weekends and relax around the house. (That could mean things like yard work but it could also mean nurse a hangover). Also, Party in the Park has started up already, which means my Wednesdays after work will be filled now. Those are an obligation, after all. What ever happened to the times when it seemed like summer would never get here or the next holiday seemed so far off? Oh yeah, that's called innocence. I am definitely screwed in that department.

After Kathy

Well, Friday night was a blast. Kathy Griffin, as expected, kept us roaring with laughter. Afterwards, we went to The Metro and then Talbott Street. The Metro was very fun, although Talbott Street was kind of dead. I guess it's not a "Friday Night" bar. Oh well, we still got plastered nonetheless. Saturday, Chris and I were WOLs and didn't do much at all. We went to BW-3's in Norwood and then headed to Hamburger Mary's for a while afterwards. Today, I did a bunch of nothing until I had to head to my sister's to watch my neice. After that, I went to Rookwood Commons and hit Banana, Old Navy, and DSW. Banana and Old Navy were busts, but I ened up getting a pair of sneaks and some cool flip flops. So, I'll be looking all glam, and whatnot, this summer. Now it's time to have a few end-of-the-weekend adult bevs. That's my exciting story. I know you're all on the edge of your seats with this post. Nyeeeeh.

D-List Star, A-List Comedian

I am SO looking forward to tomorrow night. We're going to see Kathy Griffin perform stand-up in Indy. If you haven't seen any of her material, you must be living under a rock (and a very boring one at that). Her show The D List is great, but her Allegedly DVD is fucking hilarious! I highly recommend buying it, watching it, or at least borrowing ours. My main mission is to become her best gay (fan). That loser on The D List that gave her a bag of candles is going to be bumped to #2. I'm going to prepare her a bag of Olay products - Regenerist, Total Effects, Quench - you name it. That way, she can wait a few weeks to look weeks younger. (You have to watch the show to get that reference). Regardless, it's going to be a fun, fun weekend. I know you're all jealous, but that's the way it's going to be. At least for the next 5 minutes.

Pot & Brotherhood

I wonder how true that title is. Brotherhood meaning actual nuclear brothers. I guess it depends on the family. For some reason, I don't think it's necessarily a realistic mix in the case that I'm thinking of. You never know though. I think it would would be funny as hell though if pot & brotherhood actually mixed in the situation. I would PAY to be a fly on the wall to hear that converastion. It's all fantasy though on my part, as I know the bros I'm writing about would (probably) never toke it up together. Then again, stranger things have happened. Don't listen to me, I'm just imgaining out-loud.

P.S. You (that I'm referring to) know who you are.
P.P.S. It's not me because I don't have a brother.
P.P.P.S. I didn't refer to Chris in this post.

Two Great New Songs

You need to check out these two songs that are currently playing on XM. They are, in one word, sick. Sick as in unbelievably awesome. The first is Faster Kill Pussycat by Paul Oakenfold featuring Brittany Murphy. The second one is dirrrty and I love it. It's called Bilingual by Jose Nunez featuring Taina. Oh yea, make sure you listen to the dirty mix. There is a cleaned up version and a dirty version. Go for dirty. 'Nuff said, biotches.

Good Times

No Comment.

Things That Suck

There were several things about today that sucked. I know how much you all love lists, so here goes:

• Going to work on Monday morning
• Doing laundry
• Nothing on TV
• My hunny being out of town
• Folding laundry
• Ironing
• Coming to the end of the internet
• Not being able to seal the driveway because it's going to rain tomorrow
• Crawling traffic on the way home from work (on Central Parkway) because of construction

So, there wasn't much good about this particular Monday. The one thing that didn't suck is that Hannah and I took a walk through the nature preserve at the end of our street. Beyond that, pure suckdom. How did your Monday suck?

Another Reason I Hate ABC

Tonight, there was a new episode of Deperate Housewives. At least it was listed as "new." It turned out to be an hour of recapping past episodes. I have absolutely fucking had it with ABC and their bullshit antics this year. They start off with GREAT shows at the beginning of seasons and then pull all sorts of crap mid-season. Per one of my earlier posts, they start skipping weeks and showing re-runs. Then, the new episodes start becoming fewer and fewer, without any sort of pattern at all. So, every week, it becomes a crap-shoot. Now, tonight's episode is listed as new, and it turns out to be an hour-long recap of past epidodes. WHAT THE FUCK??? I know that viewership is everything with the networks. Well, at this rate, ABC has pretty much lost a regular viewer. It's way beyond riduculous at this point.

I'm Spent

I had a very productive day today. Here's the list of completed activities:

1. Cut the grass
2. Went to Home Depot to buy Weed Eater wire
3. Weed-ate (Trimmed all the edging)
4. Cleaned all the weeds out of the front beds (which took about 2 hours)
5. Picked up dog shit in the yard
6. Cut a bunch of weeds/bushes out of the back yard
7. Used the blower to clean the driveway
8. Put topsoil down where the dumbass pizza driver ripped up the topsoil and grass seed that we put down last weekend
9. Put in new tree edging
10. Went back to Home Depot to buy hedge trimmers
11. Re-spread the mulch

So, now I'm having some beers. Imagine that. I'll be sleeping in tomorrow, so don't call until after 12. Or else I'll have to kill you.

Shiiiit, I muthafuckin' praise Jesus!

Check this crazy shit out.

ABC Sucks

I have a bone to pick with ABC. As mentioned in an earlier blog, I talked about how TV has been very slackerish in the recent months about showing new episodes of certain TV shows. Well, I have to point out that the biggest violator of this has been ABC. Fox is the second biggest violater of this, but I'll get to that at a later date. My prime examples are of two shows that Chris and I watch (or at least used to watch on a regular basis). The two in particular are Lost and Invasion. Lost, on average, has been absent every other week (if not more). Invasion hasn't been new since about last November. So, there was a new episode on tonight of Invasion, but it's a fucking joke. For not being on for that long, I don't even remember what happened the last time I watched. Hence, I'm seriously about ready to give up on them. It's a shame, because I think they could have a long, viable life on TV. But, not on ABC's schedule.

The '80s Are Funny, Yet a Little Ridiculous

So, we're watching the moving The Edge of Seventeen on LOGO. It brings me back to some fond memories, but, looking back on it all...how queer! Then again, this is a queer movie. But, it cracks me up looking back on some of the trends. None that I ever got into, but guys wearing eyeliner? The long, crazy hair-dos? The awful clothes? What were people thinking? It's actually pretty damn funny. I highly doubt any of THOSE trends will make their way back, but then again, I never thought bell-bottoms would ever circle back around. Just do one thing, if you ever see me wearing a hat like Michael Stipe wore, shoot me.

A Test for the Cincinnatians

And I don't have the answer. BUT, I've wondered this many times before...because sometimes I have a lot of time on my hands. I'm wondering what the longest road in the greater Cincinnati area is. To be clear, I'm not talking about Route 17 or Highway this and that. I'm talking specific street names. Off the top of my head, I can think of a few really long streets. Here they are: Galbraith Road, Kemper Road, Harrison Avenue, Montgomery Road. These aren't any short-bus streets. These are some seriously long roads. So, I have NO CLUE what the longest same-named road is in the 'Nati, but it's a good trivia question, right? What is your guess?

Crazy Weather

I know I'm not the only one who enjoys crazy weather. I'm watching it now as I type this. There is something about a good thunderstorm and lightning. It's intriguing, yet entertaining or soothing at the same time. I'm jealous that about 15 miles south, they got golf-ball size hail and we just got rain. Oh well. I'm convinced that we'll get our fair share of fun. That is, if you consider hail and tornado warnings as fun. I know, I'm not normal. No need to reiterate something I already know. I'm just glad that I don't live in a trailer park.

Disturbing Commercials

Have any of you seen any of the new VW commercials? They're kinda creepy. If any of you have been in a car accident, it's kind of a grim throwback. They go like this.... "Yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, CRASSSHHH!" Totally blindsided in the commercial, much like in real life. I disapprove. Much like I disapprove of VW's. They're the devil.

Out of the Loop

Sorry I've been remiss in posting. I've been feeling like shit. Since Tuesday, I've felt like crap and have been dragging myself into work. I'm still not feeling the greatest, but this is the first time I've had a chance to even look at my blog. I just took a shot of NyQuil, so I'm sure I'm not good for much longer. Anyway, I'll be more on my sarcastic/weird game in the next couple of days. In the meantime, practice the Sesame Street theme song. I'll be quizzing you all later.

Intervention

Have any of you watched this show on A&E? Oh my God, the people on there are trainwrecks! Tonight's episode was about a guy who was a chronic alcoholic (doing between 11 and 22 shots every day) and has been drinking for 14 years. There was also a girl on there that was a heroin addict who'd been shooting up for 5 years. The fucked up part, especially with the drug usage, is that they show these people getting drunk/high on camera. Chris and I always have to look away when they show someone shooting up, jamming a needle into their arm. There's one thing I know for sure - I'll NEVER do crystal meth or heroin. It's some truly messed up shit. I still can't get over how these people come to even trying it. I guess they're what Red Foreman (from That 70's Show) would call "dumbasses."

Thank God

I'm so happy to be home. I ended up driving 6 hours tonight from the NW suburbs of Chicago. We took one 10 minute stop for a gas refill and "dinner" (which turned out to be a bunch of snacks). The reason the damn trip took so long is because I-94 is apparently under some sort of major construction. So, the brainiac who was navigating, took us through a map-trip through Indiana. By the way, I FUCKING HATE Macs. I've now tried typing this 3 times and it's erased a certain portion each time. I digress back to my story. The next time I have to or want to go to Chi-town, my ass is flying. And I highly recommend you all doing the same. The trip was fucking miserable. And when I say it was miserable, it was because I was going 80 mph most of the time. You do the math. OK, I'm done bitching. I hope you all have a goot night. I have to cuddle with my honey now. Try not to be jealous.

P.S. The car we rented was a brand new Chrysler 300. Me being anti-American car, it was a sweet ride. Very smooth and powerful. Kind of like my Chris.

P.P.S. He SO owes me for that

Sorry, Folks, Park's Closed

Well, I'll be out of the loop for a few days. I have to go to Chicago for work and won't return until Friday night (probably late considering the weather we are looking foward to). In the meantime, I would suggest doing one of three things:

1. Start a garage sale pile
2. Count the number of times you say "the" each day
3. Reply in my comments section your last experience at a BINGO night you've been to.

I can't wait to hear what you all have to contribute. Really.

The Rents

So, my mom and dad are looking to move closer to their grandkids (and their daughter/son-in-law). I never thought my parents were as picky as they originally portrayed. When they first mentioned wanting to move, their only criteria were a two car garage, a ranch with a basement, and a minimum of 3 bedrooms. Well, the list has grown. First of all, my dad wanted to move to Northern Kentucky (because it's cheaper than living on the East side of Cincy where my sister lives). My mother absolutely did NOT want to move to Kentucky because she's a typical Cincinnatian, meaning "I'll never live in Kentucky." Well, I give my dad credit - he's not backing down as easily as we all thought he would. So, they've gone middle of the road and are checking out both Ohio and Kentucky. The problem thusfar has been that, as they have been looking at prospective houses, their list of requirements keep growing. As with most people, there is a certain neighborhood "type" that they want. Well, the areas with the types of housing that they want are kind of limited within a 5-15 minute drive to my sister's. Some of the additional criteria that has surfaced include a formal dining room (not just a great room), a decent sized back yard, and a good-sized kitchen. The biggest issue with all the houses they've looked at is that most of them don't have a formal dining room. My thoughts....boo hoo. They want to be within a certain distance to the grandkids, they're going to have to start realizing that they may not necessarily get everything they want in a house. Or (just a novel idea), wait a while, keep looking and maybe that dream house will come along. Well, things in the Loos family don't work that way. We'll continue hearing all about their woes until they move. And if they do end up settling, forget it. We'll never hear the end of it. I guess that's what happen when people start getting old.

P.S. My parents don't have a working computer to read this.
P.P.S. I love my parents and I'm not bitching about them. (Too much).

I Would Be SO Pissed

I'm not sure if this is staged or not, but I can't imagine it would be. I would have murdered the dumbass reporter if this was my creation. Check this video out.

Sunday Chores

Chris and I were busy beavers today. Let me rephrase that, because we really weren't busy twats today. We were busy with around-the-house chores. Chris washed and vacuumed both the Honda and the VW. Meanwhile, I started ripping up all the weeds and grass along the driveway and walk where we had flowers planted last year. What a fucking pain in the ass. Once that was all done, I planted Calla Lily bulbs and filled in the whole area with top soil. Now my back is sore. So, I'm having a beer. Oh yea, since it was such a nice day today (70 degrees), we opened all the windows in the house. It was so nice airing out this place and letting the sun pour in. So, that was our productive day. What did you buttwipes do today?

OMG

I'm watching a classic episode of Saturday Night Live and the guest star is Pee Wee Herman. Sick.

My New Obsession

Earlier today, Chris tried start the VW (a.k.a. Satan) Cabrio. It just wouldn't. The poor car has seen its better days. Meanwhile, I'm at work, checking out classified ads and I stumble upon the picture above. I want it. I've been keeping my eye out for classic convertibles and this is the car that I want. For those of you who don't know this particular model, it's an early 70's Triumph TR6. I personally think (although Chris would disagree) that this car is more appealing vs. the MGB. Then again, I wear the pants in this household. (Again, Chris would disagree). Any way you slice and dice it, we'll have a fun, older convertible this summer. Say goodbye to the Satan-mobile, or as VW would like to have it called, the Cabrio. Enter stage left.....the Triumph. At least at this present moment.

Side note: The actual car I'm trying to get is the first one (green). The blue one is just to show what the model looks like from behind. Wish me luck, hos.

Haha, Chris Has a Disease

I've never heard of it before, but my honey has Asperger (pronounced Ass-burger, in my opinion) Syndrome. Check it out. Pay particular attention to the parts where it talks about narrow, intense interests (especially obsessions with transportation, geography, computers and dinosaurs). OK, you can omit the dinosaurs, but insert 1960s English cars. So, so true. I didn't know that I lived with Rainman! Awww, honey, I still love you. If I happen to drop a box of matches in the morning and look to you for an immediate answer, just ignore me. It was most likely just a mistake on my part. I'm all about healing. I want you to be normal someday.

P.S. I know I'm going to pay for this one

Cars

So, Chris and I had a discussion earlier tonight about each others' car usage. We both drive our OWN cars. Period. At least that's been the track record. Unless on a roadtrip. Here's the greater question...how many of you all folk drive each others' cars? I'm all about sharing and not necessarily "claiming" a certain car. Chris defaults to his own car, as do I. But, part of the reason I did (or have) is because his car was new. Automatically, I assumed that he would want to drive it until the honeymoon was over. However, it will have been a year this coming week and he still religiously drives his car without even thinking of using mine. Chris, honey, I know that we've already discussed this, but I want to hear others' feedback. :-) Do you share cars in general or once in a while trade cars or is the first one free up for grabs? I love having the option to decide what car I want to take in the morning, but it's not currently the case. Long, long, story short, I want to know what all you party-people in cyberspace do when it comes to a dual-household along with dual cars. Nothing witty is coming to mind, so please just put in your comments. Or else I'll be forced to make my own conclusions. Please, don't force me to anything rash like that.

I'm Officially Gay

I admit, there were no signs before, but now it's obvious. How?!, you ask? Well, it's because I like a Kelly Clarkson song. I know, it's sad and none of you ever suspected (very much), but yes, I'm gay and I like a Kelly Clarkson song. Specifically, the version that is currently playing on BPM. It's the Chris Cox remix version of Walk Away. I hope I don't lose any of you over this devastating news, but it's who I am. A Kelly Clarkson song-liker. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful (or the fact that I am actually enjoying someone who got there start on American Idol).

Great New Show

I didn't hear about the show Campus Ladies until recently when our friends Jim & Rob told us about it. Fucking hilarious!! It kind of reminds me of the same type of humor as in Strangers With Candy, but on a collegiate level. Barri and Joan are the two main characters and are totally entertaining. Oh yea, you can catch this show on the Oxygen network. (Who'd a thunk?) It's definitely a keeper and I highly recommend checking it out. I know I'll be tuned in - especially when the next episode will cameo Paul Reubens. Who doesn't like a little PeeWee? Well, strike that, but you know what I mean. Here is a clip from the "My First Orgasm" episode. Enjoy.

Finally, Some New TV Shows

We got the Sunday paper for once, and I checked out the TV schedule for this week. Oh my God, new TV shows. What are the networks thinking? I'm so used to re-runs, I don't think I can handle a new show. Seriously, it has been totally ridiculous the way they have been so blase about running new episodes. It's like, oh, I don't feel like uploading any new episodes, so I'll just replay one that from a couple of weeks ago. Anyway, I'm used to sporadically getting new snippets of my favorite shows. Good thing is that there are some new snippets this week, starting with Desperate Housewives tonight. Don't miss it, bitches.

This is Pretty Funny

Thanks to Chris for sharing this. In his words, more or less, it's about time that someone made a real-life spoof. Check out the Simpsons.

I Hate Swiffering

I love the look of hardwood floors 100x more than carpet. However, having to keep them clean is a pain in the ass. We do have a Roomba, but when a house requires a thorough cleaning, the Roomba doesn't quite cut it. When the Swiffer first came out, I thought it was a Godsend. I don't think my opinion has changed much, but with a house the size of ours.....totally sucks. It took me about 2 hours just to clean the hardwood. The biggest pain is that we have dog hair. Dog hair floats/flies. So, it's like you have to Swiff the whole house twice. Good thing I had a beer in hand most of the time while doing so. Now the house is immaculate, but I'm half bombed. Moral of the story: House cleaning makes me drink.

Weather Prediction

SUCKS in Cincinnati. I love how they originally say we're going to get 5-12 inches. We got 2. I thought it would be awesome, but I wasn't hopeful. It happens here all the time. Oh, and we have 5 Doppler radars, state of the art, blah, blah, yadda. I certainly picked the wrong profession in life. I should have been a meteorologist - it's the only job you can have where being wrong has no consequences.

We Were Shopping FOOLS Today

I made a list of all the things that we were getting low on. It turned out to be quite a list. So, Chris and I went to Costco (my favorite store), and ended up spending over $200 on just household "stuff." Then we went to Bed Bath & Beyond because we had a 20% off coupon (gotta love that). We bought another new comforter for our new kick-ass bed because the first one we got was too heavy to have on year round. Now we have a lighter comforter for summer. It's so pretty...like me. Then we went to pick up dry cleaning and also the grocery store. After Chris cleaned out the refrigerator yesterday, the thing was practically barren. So, we stocked up on some vittles. Now, I'm tired. Our excursion today came with a price. We ended up blowing about $450. Anyone treating us to dinner tonight?

Disgusting Chore

I HATE having to clean the bathroom. So, I avoid doing it. But, my bathroom was getting pretty foul, so I decided to clean it today. Now I remember why I hate it so much. Again....it was just foul. But, now you could eat off of everything. I wouldn't recommend it, but you could. If Jack McFarland were at my house right now, I'd direct him to it, saying, "Look, something shiny!"

Tonight

Chris and I went to BW-3 and had dinner. Alone. There were two other couples that potentially were going to meet up. One of the couples called earlier asking to go out with us...only to get a call later to say they felt sick and wouldn't be going out. The other of the couples never text messaged me back. That particular person knew we were going to BW-3 and said that it sounded fun. Well, I shouldn't have expected any more. It's routine these days. We ended up coming home and watching the movie Sybil. Pretty fucked up! (The movie, that is). But then again, so was this evening.

Ink

Chris asked me a question earlier tonight and now it has me thinking. He asked if I was going to get another tattoo or not. My initial reaciton was no. But.......now I'm sort of wondering. The one I have, I can't see because it's on my back between my sholderblades. It would be nice to have one where I could actually see it. Hmm...... I DO have the number to Skincraft. I DO live right up the street from there. I don't know. I'll have to sleep on this one. What do you all think?

Strangers

I'm totally pumped because I recently found out the the Strangers With Candy movie is going to be released this summer. It was supposed to be released this past October, but stupid fucking Warner Brothers or whoever was decided not to. ANYWAY, it's slated to come to theaters this summer. Me cants wait. And if you don't agree, you all can just "Read between the lines, PPPUSSY!"

Whoa, that was close...

I thought I just sharted. Luckily, everything was dry.

Non-TV-Appearing Losers

Yes, that's us because of Chris and John. I totally passed every question. OK, now for reality-world. I for sure did the worst. We had to take a written test for the World Series of Pop Culture try-outs. The test was 50 questions and we had to answer them in 15 minutes. Oh, and they were fill-in-the-blank. Sounds easy, right? Uh, not so much. Of 25 teams of three people, only 5 teams made it to the next step. The kicker was that each had to take the test individually and all members of that team had meet some kind of hurdle. The VH1 people never said what that correct number was - they only read off the winning teams after the tests were graded. Oh well, bygones. Sorry John, but you should have known you were signing Corky up on your team. This must never get back to Josh. Long story short, Strangers Without Candy will not be seen on TV this year. However, watch out America, SW/OC will be back again next year (less one Cincymatt)!