Yea For Me

I just got a call this afternoon from Procter & Gamble and they want me to come in for a face-to-face interview next Tuesday! Keep your fingers crossed bitches, or else I won't be giving you any free Tide or Olay products.

OK, I Decided Blogger SUCKS

First of all, I tried uploading 3 pictures for a different discussion. I tried them individually as well. But, instead, the motherfucker kept giving me an error. Secondly, when I tried saving my post as a draft, it wouldn't save the pictures in the body. Anyone have any suggestions for a free webhosting site that won't be a fucking bitch like Blogger? I'm all ears.

I'm a Bachelor For a Couple of Days

So, does anyone want to go out while Chris is out of town? He gets back on Saturday, so I have a couple of days where I'll be bored out of my skull. I find that cabin fever sets in pretty easily when I'm at home all day. So, what do you say... lets go drinking!

I Was Productive Today

After I woke up at 11:00, I decided to go to Homo Depot AGAIN. I bought some paint for the hallways and stairway as well as some for the front porch floor. I started by doing the porch floor. It ended up taking me about 2.5 hours, but it was worth the effort. The floor looks great and very shiny. It's a light gray, just a little darker than the previous coat. So, we'll have all you bitches over for a porchmonkey party to check it out. Tomorrow starts the hallway painting...

I'm Going to Get One

I've finally decided that I am, in fact, going to get a real tattoo. I want one something like the picture here - kind of like a tribal sun. I want it just below my neck on my back, between my shoulder blades. Pretty money, yo?

I Love This Movie

I was just flipping through the satellite and came upon the movie Tommy boy. What a fucking hilarious flick! There are some all-time classic quotes throughout the movie. Here is one of my favorites. If you haven't seen it, you've been sheltered. If you don't own it, go buy it. It's in my top 5 movies of all time. Here's another favorite quote of mine. Too bad the fat bastard is dead now.

It's Official

My mom just purchased a 2006 Honda Accord. After looking at Toyota Camry's and Corolla's, she went with the Accord. They actually matched and then beat the Camry's pricing. So, congrats to Gail. She gets to pick it up on Monday. The picture here is the exact car, color and all, that she'll be getting. It's about time, I was kind of getting sick of the 1990 Camry she putzed around in.

It's Been a While

So, I thought I'd remind all y'all that JOHN WOOLEY RULES.

I'm Dumb

I spelled verdict wrong in my last post. I'm too lazy to fix it, so I'm writing a separate one. Nyeeeeh

Poor Gail Loos

My mom just called and told me that her car just died. Lucky for her, it happened to be in the driveway when it happened. Turns out that her 1990 Toyota Camry blew its transmission. My dad and she had to put the car in neutral to push it out of their strawberry patch to get it back in the driveway. That means it car-hunting time. Me loves going car shopping. So, I'm going with them to give them my expert advice on which cars they should consider. Knowing them, it will have to be Japanese and not very expensive. Mom has a couple of other requirements as well. My guess is they'll end up getting a Toyota Corolla, Toyota Camry or Honda Accord. It all depends on how much they'll decide to spend. I'm also going to make them take a look at the Scion Xb, even though asthetically, it's not my favorite. But, for what they want, it's in the price range and offers more space than the Corolla. Plus, it's cheaper. I'll let you know what the vertict is once they make a purchase. I know that you're dying to know.

What is Wrong With Drivers?

I know that I get road rage. Others know I get road rage. The simple fact of the matter is that people in fucking Ohio (and Kentucky) do NOT know how to drive. I think it should be mandatory that everyone in the forementioned states have to take a goddamn road test every 5 years. Let me remind any of you stupid retards what I'm referring to: THE HIGH SPEED LANE IS FOR PASSING, NOT PERMANENTLY PUTZING IN. There are even signs up all over the place that say "Slower Traffic Keep Right." No wonder why we get traffic jams, especially on I-75, it's because these assholes feel the need to go 60 in the high speed lane and not get over. You can even be riding their ass and they won't move. Another amazing thing: you can watch someone entering the highway and then IMMEDIATELY bust over to the high speed lane. It's like there's a magnet pulling them over as far left as possible. No, let's not test the waters in the slow lane or any of the middle lanes, let's go for the gusto and just go left. And, hmm, I don't really feel like speeding up, so I'll just sit here and go 60 with my finger up my ass. Oh yeah, the same drivers I'm talking about apparently don't know what a rear-view mirror is either. So, as I mentioned earlier, I DO have road rage at times and it's because of these uneducated, inconsiderate mongloids behind the wheel. Watch out blood-farts, I'll be cutting you off in the near future.

Correction

A week or so ago, I wrote a blog entitled Good Humor. It was all about Michael M's Dear Diary song. What I didn't mention is that you really should buy his CD Single - you can find it here and view the video here. I just ordered mine online and can't wait to receive it! Makes me want to do have a cocktail.

This is Wrong

My sister-in-not-so-legally-law's husband sent me this picture. As he put it, pictures can say a thousand words. Here are some of mine:

1. I'm 50 and I'm smugglin' the yo-yo
2. Roseanne Barr at the Emmy's
3. Elvis's enlargement gone bad

And some of John's:

1.One lump or two?
2. King cameltoe
3. Elvis and the twins have left the building

The list could go on and on....

What a Bender

This weekend has been a long drinking binge. Saturday, we went to Oktoberfest and had a blast, although we drank for about 12 hours. Then we had to get up today at 10:00 so that we'd be down there again at 11:30 to meet my family. I was feeling quite ill at first, but managed to suck down about 7 beers throughout the time we were there. Then I came home and crashed for 2 hours. I'm still feeling the effects of it, but probably won't be back to normal until tomorrow. Chris and I just went to Skyline to take in some grease, and it seems to be helping. Being an alcoholic is hard.

An Un-Perk of Being Unemployed

Since I'm here at home during the day playing Mr. Mom, I feel like I should put myself to good use. Well, I decided to clean the whole house today and came to the conclusion that clean sucks, especially in the massive house we live in. Dusting, swiffering, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms and windexing glass surfaces is not very fun when it takes 4 hours. Keep in mind, it's like cleaning a two-family house, since that was what our house was until it was converted into a one-family. If anything, it will be a nice surprise for Chris when hu gets home. Once I start my new job (making 6 figures), I'm hiring a fucking maid.

We Scored

We went to the Pottery Barn Outlet and found nothing. Total crap. On the way home, we decided to hit Meijer to pick up the media shelf that I saw earlier this week. While there, Chris found two different shelves that he liked to put in his office. All in all, we got 3 pieces of furniture for $308.00. Not bad (and we wouldn't buy anything cheesy). Y'all have to come check this shit out. We likey. Just like Tommy and his wingy.

We're Going Shopping

Chris and I are going to the Pottery Barn Outlet today after he gets off work. He wants to look at getting some bookcases and we both want to look at a media rack (if they have any) for all the receivers in our living room. Plus, I plan on checking out leather couches and chairs to replace the shitty ones we currently have. Anyone want to join?

Will the Real Oktoberfest, Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up

So, this weekend is the REAL Oktoberfest (aside from the one in Munchen, Germany). Sorry for all of you who can't attend. We'll drink your weight. If anything, I've had the practice lately to keep up my tolerance. Getränk, bitches! (Look it up).

I Don't Really Have Much to Say Today

There's nothing exciting to write about, or even dumb. I didn't do much either. I guess I'm feeling a little glum. I'll be sure to return to my normal postings tomorrow. Or maybe later tonight. Word.

Unemployment is Fun

I am really enjoying playing Mr. Dad at home. I get to sleep in late, zip around town to run errands, play with myself during the day, work on house projects and finish it off with some cocktails in the evening. And then do it all over again. I'm living the life that the girls from Wisteria Land do. I rock. Maybe I'll just quit my job search alltogether. Just kidding, Chris.

I Think I Might Be Addicted

To Celebrity Poker Showdown, that is. The current competitors are Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie Howser), Donny Deutsch (not sure what he's been in/on), and Shannon Elizabeth (the whore from the Scary Movie movies). So far the whore is in first place, but Donny is catching up. Two people that have been eliminated are Kathy Griffin (LOVE HER) and Chevy Chase. I have never sat down to watch this show, but it's pretty good and they joke a lot too. The best part is to see which celebs are smart/stupid. UPDATE: Donny is out. Ha-ha!

Oktoberfest Mainstrasse

Last night, Chris and I went to Oktoberfest Mainstrasse in Covington, KY. It was a pretty good time, although we didn't run into anyone we knew down there. It was the usual crowd, mostly ugly and fat, but it was good people-watching nonetheless. I think we'll probably head down there again today since some of our friends are planning to go. It doesn't compare to the REAL Oktoberfest in Cincy. How could you compare one that has the world's largest chicken dance?

I'm Hung Over

Chris and I didn't feel like going out last night (well, out-out). So, instead we went to BW-3 and got some food/beers. Then we went to Hollywood Video and rented Kinsey. It turned out to be a good movie and there was a bonus in it with some male frontal nudity. Yum. Of course, during the movie, we had more beers. That ended around midnight and so we decided to watch Mystic River, another great flick. No male frontal in that one though. Beer consumption continued until 3:00 in the morning, when I finally decided I was drunk and had to go to bed. I slept until 11:00 and could have stayed in bed. Now I feel like shit. I need some medicine.

Drug Terminology

I am so out of the loop. I guess it's because my drug use has been very limited. Check this shit out.

Good Humor

You have to listen to this song: Dear Diary by Michael M (Control Freak Mix). You can get it off Limewire; I tried uploading it to stupid Fuse, but I think the file is too big. It's hilarious though, it reminds me of our friend Toby. Just listen to the words. Ha!

I Swear To God

I have been to Home Depot more times in the past week than I can count. I've been there for 8 bags of mulch, a sprinkler, edging to go around our tree, bulbs, a bird feeder (that they didn't have), a burning bush, and brackets to hold up a curtain rod. I should just have Sara Lee pay them directly instead of me. They haven't seen the last of me though - Chris is planning a list of chores to take care of when I'm playing Mr. Mom.

What is Morning Wood?

Here is the answer. Chris and I both had it this morning, and if he wasn't late getting to work, I would have done something about it. Guess I'll have to wait until later.

I Did the Unthinkable

I applied for a job at Procter & Gamble. They just called. They want me to come in for an interview. Wish me luck, bitches.

Cigarellos

I was at the UDF near my house tonight and I'm still fascinated at the number of people that buy Cigarellos. They are flavored "blunts" and seem to have quite the loyal following where we live (as well as where I used to live). I think we all know what the term "blunt" means, but are those people really lacing them with pot or is there some attraction to them because they're cheap? I am in the dark here, so if anyone can fill me in, please do so. All of the clientelle that buy them are either black or obviously lower-class whites. Hell, maybe I should try one - I might be a convert. I did grow up on the west side, after all.

My Baby's Back!

Yea, it's finally back. Thanks for not wrecking it, Momma.

We've Been (Kind of) Productive Today

Chris went out and bought two ceiling fans today and installed one of them on our sleeping porch. It's so nice to have a brighter light and some air movement. I ended up ripping out the ugly-ass bush that was by the corner of our driveway. Probably later this weekend, I'll go and buy a burning bush or something. And I'm not talking about Momma's pubes. Ha. We are so faggy-domestic, it makes me sick.

The New Mary's

Chris and I went to the newly-remodeled/expanded Hamburger Mary's last night. I was impressed. It went from campy/kitch to somewhat upscale and trendy. I was expecting just the same old Mary's look, but in a bigger space. The one thing that I might change if I were the owner would be to tone down some of the lighting around the bar, but that's minor. All in all, Nigel and Peter did a great job with the expansion. I guess I'll give them more money now, since I'll be there all the time.

Weird...

My hand still smells like lube.

The Fireworks Are Upon Us

It's once again time for the annual Cincinnati Riverfest event, where they put on a 35 minute fireworks show. Also known as the WEBN/Toyota fireworks, it is always on the Sunday before Labor Day to mark the end of summer. They really are quite spectacular, and it's quite an experience to be down on the river with the best view around. They are launched off of barges on the Ohio River and also off of the Suspension Bridge (or is it the Purple People Bridge?). Regardless, thousands of Cincinnatians make their way down or to someone's house that lives nearby with a good view. We are planning on attending the festivities somewhere; we're still not sure, as we've gotten 3 different invitations. People not from Cincy must think we're a back-assward city. I'll give them that.