Sawing Logs

I am so excited for tonight. NO, Chris isn't going to sex me up (or at least I don't think so). I'm excited for our new king-sized, double mattress pad bed to sleep in! It came today and, per the picture, the motherfucker is HUGE. Check it out...the bed itself is higher than the window sill. It's a behemoth oddity in our bedroom. Well, besides my cock. But anyway, the best part is still to come. When I got home from work/shopping/visiting the parental units, I laid down to test it out. Heaven. Pure bliss. I won't be going into work on time tomorrow because I need to savor the feeling of sleeping on a cloud. (Plus, my boss will be out in focus groups). I had to put Hannah to the test. I wasn't sure if she would be able to make it up that high. What a fool I was. She jumped up like it was blinking an eye. Oh well, I guess we have enough room now that she can sleep with us. No, homey don't play dat.

Name That Movie

"Sorry, folks, park's closed."

Another Road Trip

This weekend is the weekend Chris, John Wooley and I go to Chicago to go through the screenings for VH1's World Series of Pop Culture. Chris and I are driving up on Friday after work and have an all-day Saturday try-out. Well, hopefully we'll make it an all-day deal by advancing onto the finals. Wish us luck, bitch-hos. Sunday, Chris will be driving back to Cincinnati, but I'll be staying because I've decided to move away from hell-hole Cincinnati. Just kidding. I have a work meeting on Monday at one of our agencies. So, I'll be hanging out with my college friend Bish Sunday afternoon. Then, work on Monday and fly home Monday night. Oh yea, which one of you wants to watch Hannah for us?

Now This is Something to be PROUD of

Delta State University in Mississippi has a mascot called the Flying Okra. SWEET! I'd be so proud of calling myself a flying okra. For that matter, I'd be proud of calling myself a flying booger. Or better yet, a flying bloodfart. How do they get so creative down in the South?????

My New Favorite Word

Paregoric. My mom mentioned using this on my sisters and I as kids. I think it's funny that my mother was giving her children morphine.

What a Weekend!

This weekend was awesome. Friday, we didn't do much, but the rest of the time was great. Saturday, we got up and went to my neice's birthday party (which was O.K.), but immediately from there, we went to Belterra. The complex was pretty big and had a lot of amenities. Chris and I dumped our bags in the room and went directly to the casino. Within an hour and a half, I dropped $140 on fucking slots. Ugh. Then we went to dinner at Jeff Ruby's. DEEE-LISH. We both got 12 oz. filets, garlic mashed potatoes and a bottle of wine. So then, we went back up to the room so that I could change into some more comfortable clothes. Back to the casino. Chris sat at a Blackjack table the rest of the night and I wandered from slot machine to slot machine. I decided this pretty quickly: I HATE video slots. I don't trust them and they're just not the same as the real deal. I started losing more cash and getting pretty drunk. With my last $4.75 left in the machine before going to withdrawal more money, I hit. I couldn't tell you what the bonus was called, but I watched as it kept going, and going, and going. I started out with $300 and almost went totally bust, but I ended up winning $403. YIPPEEEE! With that, I called it a night and went up to the room and passed out.

Today, on the way home from Belterra, we stopped in The Original Mattress Factory in Florence and compared different beds. We ended up deciding to buy the most expensive king size in the place. I'm soooo happy. I have an adult bed now. That should be arriving on Thursday - it's going to seem like Thursday will never get here. THEN, when I got home, I got an email saying that my tax refund was deposited into my account. Glory be, there is a God. So, the bed is paid off, I got my tax refund, AND I paid off the last of my credit card balance. Life is good. For the time being.

Bombed

That's what I am right now. And I have to get up early tomorrow....no later than 10. Tomorrow, we're going to my sister's house to celebrate my niece's birthday. BTW, I scored at Target and got some very girly-girl gifts. Some of my friends were jealous. After the par-tay, we'll be heading to the state of Indiana to do a tad bit of gambling. Funny thing about tonight...it happened to come up about the cost of the room we'll be staying at. Chris was obviously surprised about how much it cost. My interpretation of his reaction was that he initially thought it was a somewhat cheap hotel room. Oh no. It's definitely costing me, but I'm sure I'll win it back. Plus much more. I'm glad that I can treat him to something that will be really fun and not have to worry about sticking to a $30 budget. He has been so generous to me in the past (ie. buying me a mountain bike), so I am very happy to be able to return that generosity.

I'm Fetus in Fetu

I think I'm pregnant. I have a huge gut, I feel fat, and every once in a while, I think I feel something kicking in there. Then again, maybe I'm not fetus in fetu, because I wouldn't feel any movement. If you're wondering what I'm talking about, google it. I need to pick up the Mary-Kate Olsen habit. It worked wonders for her. Or, I could do what one of our not-to-be-named friends did and have lipo. Or according to him, I mean her, call it a vasectomy.

What To Do Tomorrow

It's supposed to be 60 degrees and party cloudy tomorrow. I hear hooky calling. Plus, my boss will be in an almost all-day meeting. Let me think, things I could do....

1. Go to a movie
2. Go to a bar
3. Buy another dog
4. Buy a new car
5. Knock down a wall in our house
6. Download songs without paying for them
7. Stare in Chris's window at work and jeer
8. Trim body hair
9. Rollerblade down Mt. Adams

I guess I'll have to sleep on it. Unfortunately, I know I'll pussy out and end up working anyway. So, forget what I just wrote. Seriously, jab a sharp object into your head so that it's erased from your memory. Gracias.

The Result...

The car show was, at best, mediocre. Chris and Brian forewarned us last night, and they were right. There weren't a lot of "wows" as far as new cars go. I guess it's a good thing, otherwise we might have gone right to a dealer and drunk-bought a new car. There were a few that are worth mentioning: We were intriuged by some of the BFTs. (Big Fucking Trucks). I always wondered why some pickup trucks were running $40K plus. Now I understand. They are REALLY big and have a lot of the same amenities that some luxury cars offer. Another worth mentioning was the Toyota FJ. It's the concept-gone-production of the first Toyota Land Cruiser. You'll see a lot of them in 1970s movies when people are on African Safari type trips. Very cool, very retro, but Chris's Element has a lot more room. Next is the Infiniti G35 Coupe. Very fucking hot, very cool. No new news there, but Chris and I would both love to own one. Lastly, and most dearly to my heart, the IS. I love the new Lexus IS 350 & 250 AWD. It's so much more Lexus than my car, but I guess as you get older, your tastes mature as well. I still LOVE my car and I have no plans on selling it any time soon. But, this particular car has come a long way. There are SO many more bells and whistles than mine has. But, all those rings and dings come at a price. If I wanted to buy a new IS, I'd be spending about $10-$15 more than I spent on my car. Oh well, we can all pipe-dream, right? All in all, the car show was something to do on a Sunday afternoon. And they served beer. What else would one ask for? Maybe some percocet or vallium, but that only happens in Amsterdam. Hmmm....I all of a sudden feel like taking a trip.

Off To The Show

The car show is in town this weekend and we're going to check it out. I suggested taking the bus down so that we don't have to leave one of our cars when we come back with a new one. I mean, come on, we're instant-gratification gay men. It's only natural.

Off To The Show

The car show is in town this weekend and we're going to check it out. I suggested taking the bus down so that we don't have to leave one of our cars when we come back with a new one. I mean, come on, we're instant-gratification gay men. It's only natural.

Sam's

OK, I am not a big fan of Sam's Club. I LOVE Costco and wish there were one closer to our house - the only ones around are in Mason and Tri-County. Anyway, if you get a chance, go to Sam's this weekend and check out my work. There will be demos (women giving samples, offering advice, etc) for our Olay products. Plus, there will be 4 pallets of our products. Yes, I was involved in making this happen. I know, I rock. BTW, we didn't get the usual blue-hairs to demo for us - we made sure there were decent looking chicks doing the talking. Sick, I was just re-reading what I wrote and I sound like the biggest queen on earth. Wait, no, that would be the Little Girl. "I'm not a ma'am, I'm a man!"

Alright, Already

So, I got an email from someone I won't reveal *cough, DougBillSusan, cough* yelling at me for not revealing what I got Chris for his birthday. Nosey. If you must know, I ended up giving him an all-expenses paid trip to Belterra Resort & Casino in Indiana on March 4th. Well, leave on Saturday, gamble, eat, gamble, drink, gamble, drink, have sex, gamble & drink. Then we'll pass out and possibly wake up to have mimosa's so that we are in the mood to gamble again. I also gave him $100 to get started with. So, wish us luck, bitches, and maybe we'll treat you to an ice cream cone after we win $1,000,000.

Is it Friday Yet?

I was off work today and am dreading having to go back tomorrow. I refer to this as having the MNDs, or Monday Night Depression. Short weeks always seem longer to me, maybe because I have to get the same amount of work done in a shorter period of time. Oh well, at least I have something to look forward to on Wednesday - Chris's birthday! If you haven't already, email Chris and wish him a happy 30th birthday. It would make his day (since he's older than that). On Wednesday, I'll reveal what I got Chris for his birthday. I hope he likes it, but I'm not really worried that he won't. OK, time for bed. Loos, out.

Inspired

By Roger Hazard from the show Sell This House (and the fact that we're getting a nice income tax refund). We've decided on getting a new bed. No more bowing in the middle and Chris stealing my space. We're getting a king size bed! I'm very excited because now I will have plenty of room to relax and sleep without Chris's dagger toenails cutting me anymore.

I Like Mike

Tonight, we met up with Lena, Rob, Suz, and Mike. Mike is Suzanne's boyfriend. This was the first time I really got to talk to him and I approve him for her. Another reason I like him a lot is because we own the same car. Ha! Great minds think alike.

Side note: Hannah is the piece of shit waste of life right now. She's taking up 2/3 of the couch. I have to move so that she's comfortable. And I thought Chris was difficult. Just kidding Chris.....Love ya, mean it.

Chris is Snoring

Ugh, I have to crawl into bed with a snorer. Good thing I have earplugs in my nightstand to drown that shit out. I know what I can get Chris for his b-day now... some anti-snore nose strips. Thank God, I have been fretting over what to get hu for hu birthday. Great ideas sometimes come when you're drunk.

By the way, my shit has been like water today. Not fun.

Name That Movie

"Why you always callin' me yo bitch or yo ho or yo hootchie?"

"Cause that's what you are, bitch."

I'm a Bad Daddy

February 6th was Hannah's birthday and I totally forgot. Ugh, I suck and now I know why she has been all needy lately. Although, when Jung and her boyfriend Jeff watched Hannah, she got to split a cheap steak with Jeff's dog, Bishop. Still, I can't believe I forgot to get her a plush squeeker toy. First person in line, I'm ready for my spanking.