Congratulations, Don and Gail

My parents have finally bought a house! It's only been about a year because they've been so picky about what they want. But, it finally paid off. Here it is. Congrats mom and dad!

The Embarrasment of Cincinnati Politics

The Cincinnati Banks Project is a joke. This project has been on the books since 1999. It is now 2007 and there is no progress. In the meantime, our neighbors over the river are making a mockery of Cincinnati and raking it in at the same time. Kudos to Northern Kentucky for not just talking about development, but actually DOING something about it. Here is just a sampling of what they have accomplished in a relatively short amount of time. No wonder why people don't want to go to downtown Cincinnati - there's nothing to go to. In the meantime, lots of people are flocking to Northern Kentucky for places like Newport on the Levee, Newport Aquarium, tons of new restaurants, and the soon-to-be Ascent. What does Cincinnati have? A parking lot. Yippee.

And, I Can't Argue...

Murphy's Lesser-Known Laws:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be
stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time.... on a hill....on
a curve...in the fog---on Hyw 93 Phoenix to Vegas..........

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those
who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and
he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12
people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

WTF?!?!

Who in the hell would wear something like this? Fa-reaks!

Some Random Funniness

My favorites are the little kids cursing. But, the elephant clip is pretty good too. Truly sick.

Waterloo!

Yes, that would be myself and Momma re-enacting the Waterloo scene from Muriel's Wedding. And damn, look at Momma's hair! Good thing we've grown up since then.

Van Jumping

This is awesome. I want to do this!

DirecTv SUCKS

We were out with our friends tonight having dinner a couple of drinks. Of course, we were all excited to get home and watch some good old Thursday night Must See TV. I'm so glad that we have DirecTv. It was such joy to watch our recorded favorite shows and having pixelation throughout all the episodes. It made for such a fun night of fill in the blank comedies. Then again, who's to say it's DirecTv. We've noticed that the local stations' HD programming have been fucked up in the past on several occasions. Regardless, we are not at all thrilled with the current HD service. Oh yea, it didn't rain tonight, so no dice there. Lesson learned for all you readers: if you expect a guaranteed recording while you're gone, don't count on it.

The More You Know (like the commercials): Rely on DirecTv, just like you do your local weather forecaster.

See, I Told Ya

I haven't written in over a week. That's sick. Anyway, I've been spending a lot of my time on my closet re-invention project. Let me break it down. I took out all my clothing, shoes, crap, whatnot, etc. I removed all the shelving and supports from the walls and started to paint. When I say started, I mean started, because I'm still not finished yet. Let me put it this way: after 3 coats of paint, the mother fucking walls are still not right. I won't go into the boring-ass details, but I had to take a hiatus after 3 days in a row of working on a 2 day project. So, all my shit is still scattered throughout the upstairs. I had zero desire to make it day 4 tonight. So, instead, I worked in the yard (considering it was 75 degrees outside). I also put gas in the Triumph and got is started. The brakes decided not to work so well, but at least I got it moved from the winter parked position to the summer parked position. (Note the picture). Anyway, the Godforsaken closet WILL get finished this weekend. I can guarantee that. Or else you can call me a liar. Which...would...be...true.

Yes, I've Been a Slacker

I haven't blogged in 4-eva. Like, totally. It's because I've been watch too much damn TV. Like now, for example (Deal or No Deal has me mesmerized). I have a feeling I won't be getting much better about it in the next several months too, since the weather is FINALLY getting warmer. Sidebar: the current contestant on DOND is a huge muscle-daddy wearing a kilt. Odd. But kind of hot. Back to slackerishness... I will also not be watching as much TV in the future because I have a closet to repaint and reconfigure. And we have a 1970 Triumph that could definitely use some upgrades. So, there. Piss off.

You've Got To Be Kidding Me

Fly Delta

Ebonics Airways

Shirley Q Liquor at the Dock!

Church Slave

30 Rock

OK, this show if brilliant. I thought that Lorne Michaels may have been washed up, but, no. It's totally worth spending a half hour a week listening to Tracy Morgan, Liz Lemon, Jack Donnegie, etc, etc. And you can't dismiss Jenna Maroney. She plays such a good dumb whore. Anyway, Chris started watching this show and I belly-ached about it for a while. However, I'm glad he made me watch, because I'm hooked now. Brilliance. That's all there is to it. You racist. (From the show). Check it out.

So, I Think the Party was a Success

Chris's 40th birthday party ended up going over without any major hitches (besides having to change location). I'm pretty sure a good time was had by all that made it. In the end, I think there were probably about 45-50 people that showed, but people trickled in and out, making the crowd very manageable. I would post some pictures, but, alas, my fucking camera is still broken. Rick Newell took several for us during the night, so I hope to be able to post some of his once he copies me on them. Thanks to everyone that showed up - I know that Chris and I had a blast. For those of you that said you would show up and didn't, well, go fuck yourselves. Just kidding. You people saved me on the bar tab.

Cold Weather

Chris and I were watching the news tonight and the anchor came up with a theory. His theory: Cold temperatures have thwarted murders in Cincinnati. (OK, I'm making up the numbers), but, in January there were 12 murders. in February, there were none until today (1), and it's because murderers are apparently pussies to cold. Hmmm.... me thinks news anchors should stick to what they do best, which would be reading cue cards. And wearing makeup. Then again, I'm talking about local newscasters.

Oh, and by the way, I have heard that Kit Andrews is truly a bitch. One of my friends was her producers. Kit = Evil Whore

I love the presidents

Not because I'm particulary into politics, but because I have the day off tomorrow. I went into work on Friday and someone mentioned the long weekend we have to look forward to. I was like, "what?" And then I was like, "Fuck an A! Sweet!" So, here I sit, watching Iron Chef where the secret ingredient is asparagas. Yuck. Regardless, this is a fun show. And all thanks go out to the presidents. Otherwise, my fat ass would be in bed.

Things to do when your co-workers go on vacation